Well, hello there! It's been a long while since I've blogged... yes I'm sorry, I'm a bad, bad blogger! But hey, my blog got 549 views anyway!! Woohoo!
Truth be told, I was feeling extremely overwhelmed with diabetes! I had been working so hard to bring down my blood sugar levels, to be a "good" person with diabetes, but, as all people with diabetes know, there is no such thing...
Towards the middle/end of February everything was shot to hell and I started struggling with my blood sugar. I haven't had many lows, though I'm not sure if it's due to the constant highs, or if it's due to Dexie, my DexCom Platinum G4, but I've been having tons of highs. I didn't want to start a "bitching about diabetes" blogging spree. This blog is called "Positively Diabetes" after all, but the past month and a half has been taking its toll on my positive attitude. Sometimes I wonder if getting Dexie was a good idea.
Before I got Dexie, I tested my blood sugar when I woke up, before and after exercising, before meals, 2.5-3 hrs after meals, before bed, when I felt low, high or like my bg was dropping. I was actually doing well! I brought my hbA1C down from >10 to 7.7 in 3 months. I was on a roll. My endocrinologist recommended getting a continuous glucose monitor, and I wanted one anyway. Thus, I got Dexie; but at what emotional cost???
I freak when I see my bg above 180 for longer than 1 hour, though I try not to, and I think those freak outs have been bringing my bg even higher. Dexie is a blessing in helping me avoid lows, but it seems like a curse to look at after I eat, when I'm stressed out, or when diabetes wants to simply be a diabitch. Just as I was writing the last sentence Dexie beeped to let me know my bg is rising. I woke up low, treated, had breakfast, exercised, ate a snack, bolused, but still my blood sugar rises.
Did I say I didn't want this to be a "bitch about diabetes" blog? Screw it, I'm getting so frustrated. When will this end? In two weeks I go for my blood work for my A1C, and I wonder what the hell is going to happen when I go to my endocrinologist in May.
I had no idea this blog post would become a "bitch about diabetes" post, but I'm glad it did. I needed to vent, even though I didn't know it at the time I started writing. I know we've all been there, and I know none of us like it. I talk to PWD (people/person with diabetes) every day, it's what keeps me sane in this annoyingly crazy world of living with a chronic illness. I'm no hypochondriac, nor do I consider myself "sick." I live life as any type zero (a person who does not have diabetes), the only difference is my days are always focused around freaking numbers... and boy do I hate math! But I'm a person living with diabetes, and I guess if I didn't have diabetes I wouldn't be who I am today.
Woosah! I think I feel better now!