Bitching About the D

Well, hello there! It's been a long while since I've blogged... yes I'm sorry, I'm a bad, bad blogger! But hey, my blog got 549 views anyway!! Woohoo!

Truth be told, I was feeling extremely overwhelmed with diabetes! I had been working so hard to bring down my blood sugar levels, to be a "good" person with diabetes, but, as all people with diabetes know, there is no such thing...

Towards the middle/end of February everything was shot to hell and I started struggling with my blood sugar. I haven't had many lows, though I'm not sure if it's due to the constant highs, or if it's due to Dexie, my DexCom Platinum G4, but I've been having tons of highs. I didn't want to start a "bitching about diabetes" blogging spree. This blog is called "Positively Diabetes" after all, but the past month and a half has been taking its toll on my positive attitude. Sometimes I wonder if getting Dexie was a good idea.

Before I got Dexie, I tested my blood sugar when I woke up, before and after exercising, before meals, 2.5-3 hrs after meals, before bed, when I felt low, high or like my bg was dropping. I was actually doing well! I brought  my hbA1C down from >10 to 7.7 in 3 months. I was on a roll. My endocrinologist recommended getting a continuous glucose monitor, and I wanted one anyway. Thus, I got Dexie; but at what emotional cost???

I freak when I see my bg above 180 for longer than 1 hour, though I try not to, and I think those freak outs have been bringing my bg even higher. Dexie is a blessing in helping me avoid lows, but it seems like a curse to look at after I eat, when I'm stressed out, or when diabetes wants to simply be a diabitch. Just as I was writing the last sentence Dexie beeped to let me know my bg is rising. I woke up low, treated, had breakfast, exercised, ate a snack, bolused, but still my blood sugar rises.

Did I say I didn't want this to be a "bitch about diabetes" blog? Screw it, I'm getting so frustrated. When will this end? In two weeks I go for my blood work for my A1C, and I wonder what the hell is going to happen when I go to my endocrinologist in May.

I had no idea this blog post would become a "bitch about diabetes" post, but I'm glad it did. I needed to vent, even though I didn't know it at the time I started writing. I know we've all been there, and I know none of us like it. I talk to PWD (people/person with diabetes) every day, it's what keeps me sane in this annoyingly crazy world of living with a chronic illness. I'm no hypochondriac, nor do I consider myself "sick." I live life as any type zero (a person who does not have diabetes), the only difference is my days are always focused around freaking numbers... and boy do I hate math! But I'm a person living with diabetes, and I guess if I didn't have diabetes I wouldn't be who I am today. 

Woosah! I think I feel better now!

Positively Diabetes

I woke up today feeling extremely positive about life and diabetes (a large part of my life is about the 'betes anyway). At 7:16 I was wide awake. No desire to curl into a ball and go back to sleep. I was totally and utterly happy! I didn't immediately roll out of bed though. I had to go do my hbA1C blood work, and since I couldn't have my usual cup o'joe, I checked in with my DOC family, then happily went to get yet another needle prick for the day. I wasn't even upset when, after parking my car and feeding the meter, I walked inside LabCorp and realized that I had forgotten the paperwork I needed at home. Who cares if it was extremely cold out? Who cares if someone takes my parking spot? Who cares if I have to take 5 minutes and drive home, pick up the paperwork, drive another 5 minutes to LabCorp and feed another meter? Life felt good. Hey, they even had stickers on the wall at LabCorp!

LabCorp 

My new insurance kicked in today! I am finally able to get new pump supplies, get blood sugar test strips for my OneTouch Ping meter for an affordable co-pay, as opposed to it costing an arm and a leg (heeehee, yea yea, bad pun, sorry!), and I could get blood work done for free (well, not free, I do pay for my insurance).

Beautiful, isn't it?

But the joys in my life now are different from three months ago. I want to jump for joy (and sometimes do) when my blood sugar stays in range, or when I carb count correctly. Yes, I wake up happy knowing I can get these things (pump supplies, blood work, test strips, see my endo!), for I took it all for granted while I had easy access to them. And while I had easy access to it all, I managed to neglect my diabetes. I won't say I was in denial. No, I always snuck in diabetes into conversations, but I just plugged in my pump and let it do the work (forehead smack). I'd bolus for very big meals, but some days I wouldn't bolus at all. Sometimes I'd check my blood sugar once a day, and sometimes once a week; I'd skip endo appointments. I know we're all "bad diabetics" from time to time, but I was a HORRIBLE diabetic for years. To be completely honest (these are my confessions, after all), I have no clue what my last a1c was, or when (but I will be sure to find out on next endo appointment).

But one day, October 20, 2012 to be exact, I woke up feeling "positively diabetes." I started checking my blood sugar multiple times that same day. I carb counted throughout the whole day. And it became that easy to be "positively diabetes." And I kept myself going, taking baby steps to get where I want to be (definitely not there, yet). I started exercising here and there and cut down tons on fast food, I even started eating broccoli! Then, I saw a Facebook post by Diabetes Social Medial Advocates about a Twitter chat on World Diabetes Day. One topic per hour, for twelve hours! I figured it wouldn't hurt to check it out.

Thus, I discovered the wonderful world of the Diabetes Online Community. I couldn't believe it! These people were like me. They felt the way I did! They "GOT" it! I was in awe. And just like that my Twitter followers began to grow, and I started following people who really had something in common with me! And I made friends. Yes, I consider you, DOC, my friends. At my darkest hours I can, and do, reach out to my Non-Diabetic friends and family members, but you guys have felt like I do, or are going through the same thing, and it helps so much! Would I have reverted back to neglecting my diabetes if I hadn't found the DOC? I can't say. What I can say is that without the DOC, the battles I fight daily would be much harder to fight.

I want to be forever "positively diabetes."