Crime: Type 1 diabetes

I started chatting with a new diabuddy on Facebook last night who was telling me all about Dr. Denise Faustman's BCG Tuberculosis vaccine to cure diabetes.

I had heard of it before, but my reaction was always the same... sounds awesome but let it be a real cure where I can go in there take a shot and pack up Dexie, Rosie, my bg meter, along with all other D related supplies and say... "I used to have diabetes"

This time I was really excited.  I understood, from our convo not from any research I had done personally, that if this worked for a few years we would have a cure by 2022. I was elated! I would be cured by 2022? OMG sign me up!

But then I read up on it and there seems to be no proof that the participants from phase I were taken off insulin. Phase II will end in 2022, and we won't know if it's working until then. I'm not willing to hype myself up for 8 years just to be told... "my bad, you got the placebo," or "sorry, the results are inconclusive,  we need another 5 years" blah blah... you get what I mean.

My attitude after reading up on this research was "oh well, I've been doing this for 19 years, I can do it for the rest of my life. Just Live Long & Bolus!"

But when I woke up this morning with a low at 5:58am I felt like a train wreck. ... I haven't felt this disappointed about D since the first couple of years after diagnosis. It was like..... I got pranked, the cure isn't that close. Big pharma will probably never let it happen anyway. 

I wish I could curl up into a ball in bed and just mourn this all day. I'm entitled to it. We all are. Diabetes is hard, even though I try to make it seem easy for those around me... oh well, gotta get up because real life stuff awaits.

Here's my diabetes sentence (this is from the Free Diabetics Movement on Facebook,  they post mugshots with their sentence. Check them out!)

Crime: Type 1 Diabetes
Sentence: Life
Bail: A cure
Time Served: 19 years 10 months

Reasons why I love diabetes - umm no, not really

So I started this blog post on July 9th, but completely forgot about it. Today I just wanted to go off about diabetes, among other things, and as I read this draft, I felt like it was perfect. I will stop at diabetes though...

25 Reasons why I love diabetes: Ha! No, I do not love diabetes.

1. I hate being attached at the hip to a machine--literally.

2. I hate having to carry all these supplies everywhere I go. I cannot just grab my keys, credit cards, driver's license, put all that in my pocket and go.

3. I hate the smell of insulin.

4. I hate the infusion site on my body.

5. I hate my freckled fingertips. By the way, freckled is just a nice way of saying "calloused" and "fugly."

6. I hate having to check my blood sugar every time I eat, or have a drink (alcoholic or non-alcoholic).

7. I hate feeling panicky when I feel my blood sugar is dropping.

8. I hate feeling helpless when my blood sugar is low.

9. I hate having to eat, or drink juice, to treat a low when I'm not hungry.

10. I hate the weird smell only I can smell when my blood sugar is high.

11. I hate the aches in my body when my blood sugar is high.

12. I hate being cranky when my blood sugar is low or high.

13. I hate feeling so dependent.

14. I hate it when diabetes makes me feel different or when non-diabetics make me feel different.

15. I hate it that I can't look at a meal when eating out and say, "this looks delicious." My first thought is, "how much insulin should I take for this?"

16. I hate having to think of everything I eat in numbers.
Scrambled eggs-0g Carbs
White Rice-45g Carbs (1 cup)

17. I hate it when diabetes interrupts my sleep.

18. I hate going extremely long periods of time without eating because of a stubborn high that just refuses to come down.

19. I hate the itch on my DexCom site that I can never get to until I take the sensor off.

20. I hate that I'm terrified of amputations - any cut or scrape on my feet or legs gives me an anxiety attack.

21. I hate it when people say, "somebody I used to know died of diabetes." It makes me want to tell them, "thanks a lot, I'll have nightmares about a long, painful death tonight."

22. I hate it when I feel judged about my blood sugar. "Oh it's not my fault you can't control your blood sugar...." Umm excuse me???? People like this should try walking in my shoes for a day.

23. I hate feeling the need for support. (Thank you diabetes online community - you guys are the very best. And my family, I would never have made it without you.)

24. I hate having to wear a dog collar. (It's a medical ID bracelet, but I feel like I'm wearing a dog collar.)

25. I hate it that diabetes is a full time job - that I have to pay for!

Diabetically Un-educated

Recently I've been wondering if I need to go see a diabetes educator, but then I think to myself, "what can they teach me? I live with diabetes everyday, and unless I find one who has it, too, then I probably don't need one."

Well, today  I did learn something new from a type zero (a person who doesn't have diabetes), and I found myself thinking over and over, "Gosh, I do need to speak to a diabetes educator, after all." The woman works for a major medical company who makes insulin pumps, so she is pretty knowledgeable about them.

I thought I was pretty knowledgeable when it came to the 'betes and being a pump user. Well, I got news for myself: I have tons to learn still. After being on the pump for 10 years (yes, you read this right, I did say 10 years and I'm still learning), I just learned the difference between a dual (or wave??) bolus and a square bolus. Knowing the difference will really, really impact my blood glucose when I go to parties where I eat here and there, as opposed to sitting down for a meal.

During dinner on Christmas day, I had no idea how many cabs I had eaten or would continue to eat. It wasn't a sit down and eat kind of dinner. It was relaxed, everyone grab their plates and eat what and when they wanted. Snacks were everywhere. So, I just kept eating and figured I'd correct later. Can anyone guess my bg after all was said and done? Ya, umm, it was in the 400s. Thus, if I had known what a square bolus was and how to use it, I would have given myself between 3-5 units of insulin, throughout a 3-4 hour period. (I could have used a dual wave combo bolus, but I am re-learning everything regarding pump and diabetes, after I opened up my eyes and realized I was most likely on a downward spiral towards complication after complication by ignoring my diabetes).

So, what is a dual/wave/combo bolus? You split the amount of insulin you want to take for a meal. A couple of weeks ago, I ate Chinese for dinner (now that isn't, nor will it continue to be, a frequent thing and I'll explain why another day). If I remember correctly I ate about 74g of carbs. Due to newly learned information, I knew that Chinese food was full of fat and that would slow down my digestion/absorption of carbohydrates. So I split the total amount of insulin I would be taking. The pump calculated the total of insulin I needed to take: 74/15=4.95 units. I decided to experiment with the combo bolus. I chose to give myself 30% before I ate and 70% in the space of 3 hours (as a result of slower digestion due to fat in the food). Therefore, I took 1.48 units immediately and the pump gave me the rest, 3.47, little bits at a time. It did work out well. I didn't measure my blood sugar before bed because I went to sleep less than 2 hours after dinner, but my blood sugar was 123 (or something in that range) the next day.

Combo Bolus

The square bolus is slightly different. Say I'm about to eat a bowl of cereal (I hate milk, therefore I don't really eat cereal, but this one is hypothetical), but I'm also doing a million and one other things at the same time. Maybe my 5 year old nephew is visiting and keeps asking me to play with him as I eat my cereal. I can set my bolus to dispense insulin slowly throughout 30 minutes, as opposed to taking all the units I need before I eat, which could result in a low blood sugar later.

Square Bolus

Now that I know exactly what these two types of bolusing do for me, I will be sure to use it more in the future (I have never done a square bolus, ever "/).

You live and you learn, and I will call up the diabetes educator that my endocrinologist recommended to me  first thing tomorrow. I thank the Guy up there for looking out for me while I was being negligent with my 'betes. Every night before bed I thank Him for giving me another day on this Earth, especially another day with no complications. I am slowly changing my diet and trying to learn all I can to control the 'betes, not let it control me.

Finger, Y U No Bleed!!?

Today wasn't one of my best days mood-wise. I was up and down all day (mood, not blood sugar, thank God), with more downs than ups. Then I went on Twitter for a few minutes before one of my students arrived at the library and #bgbingo was on. For those of you who have never heard of #bgbingo (I just learned about it myself not too long ago), it's well, a bingo of sorts. During the weekly Wednesday night Twitter chat by #gbdoc, they call out a blood glucose number. The person who has the closest blood glucose number at the time wins a prize. The number called today around 5pm EST was 6.2 mmo/l - 112 mg/dl.

Well, I had just checked my blood sugar and it was 114 mg/dl - 6.4 mmo/l. I treated a low without going hyper (yay for me, I don't nail those very often!).  So, I tweeted my blood sugar reading and patiently waited to see if someone was closer. Someone could have possibly been 6.2 mmo/l - 112 mg/dl, 6.1 mmo/l - 111 mg/dl, or 6.3 mmo/l - 113 mg/dl. Coincidentally, my student at the time is an 8 year old boy who is very dear to me because I've known him since he was about 1 year old and his mom is one of my closest friends, and he was just diagnosed with type 1 diabetes December 2011.

Then I checked Twitter again, and guess what? I WON!! I won a Verio IQ by OneTouch. Brand New!! I was so excited, and still am. Earlier today I was looking into the Verio IQ on YouTube and it looks so nice and smart! I wanted it. And, well, I won it. That really made my day!! That and my mom educating her friend on diabetes :) . My student and his mom were very excited for me.
The GBdoc Verio IQ is set to mmo/l blood sugar readings, and since I am in the US, I use mg/dl. I really hope they can find one set to mg/dl to send to me. This was the highlight of my day :) .



Now, as for the title of my post. We all have those darned days when our fingertips refuse to bleed. You prick your finger with that little needle and nothing comes out. You've become a vampire, totally bloodless. Yep, I hate those days.

I was talking with my adopted Twitter brother about AST, Alternate Site Testing. I like using my palm. I alternate fingers and palm every day. One finger a day, or palm, to give the rest of the fingertips a rest. My Twitter brother however, could not draw blood from his palm, so he ordered an AST cap. I personally never needed those, I usually throw them out, but other people swear by them. So he tested it and still could not get any blood. Then, he read the instructions and it said to leave the pricker on palm, which he said he thought would help draw blood. And it worked for him! He got a few blood sugar checks out of his palm. Hurrah for AST.

This morning I decided to try something new with my pricker. I set it to a lower depth and pricked my finger. I left the pricker there for a few seconds, rather than prick and remove it immediately, and when I removed it there was a tiny drop of blood already. I didn't have to squeeze hard to get a sample either. It was awesome, painless, and today's finger seems much better than yesterday's or Monday's. I'm guessing that this is the proper way to check your blood sugar. Leave the pricker on site for a few seconds, then remove. Makes for much easier blood drawing, trust me...

I told my t1d student and his mom this discovery and they tried it out right there. Unbeknownst to my student, she set his pricker to a lower depth and he held his pricker there for a few seconds. He got a nice big sample out of that finger prick. His mom and I were elated that it worked.

So, point of this long blog: next time you can't draw any blood, try holding your pricker in place for a few seconds. That may help.


PS: I know that it is not called a "pricker," that it's a Lancing Device, but Lancing Device is just so boring...

Positively Diabetes

I woke up today feeling extremely positive about life and diabetes (a large part of my life is about the 'betes anyway). At 7:16 I was wide awake. No desire to curl into a ball and go back to sleep. I was totally and utterly happy! I didn't immediately roll out of bed though. I had to go do my hbA1C blood work, and since I couldn't have my usual cup o'joe, I checked in with my DOC family, then happily went to get yet another needle prick for the day. I wasn't even upset when, after parking my car and feeding the meter, I walked inside LabCorp and realized that I had forgotten the paperwork I needed at home. Who cares if it was extremely cold out? Who cares if someone takes my parking spot? Who cares if I have to take 5 minutes and drive home, pick up the paperwork, drive another 5 minutes to LabCorp and feed another meter? Life felt good. Hey, they even had stickers on the wall at LabCorp!

LabCorp 

My new insurance kicked in today! I am finally able to get new pump supplies, get blood sugar test strips for my OneTouch Ping meter for an affordable co-pay, as opposed to it costing an arm and a leg (heeehee, yea yea, bad pun, sorry!), and I could get blood work done for free (well, not free, I do pay for my insurance).

Beautiful, isn't it?

But the joys in my life now are different from three months ago. I want to jump for joy (and sometimes do) when my blood sugar stays in range, or when I carb count correctly. Yes, I wake up happy knowing I can get these things (pump supplies, blood work, test strips, see my endo!), for I took it all for granted while I had easy access to them. And while I had easy access to it all, I managed to neglect my diabetes. I won't say I was in denial. No, I always snuck in diabetes into conversations, but I just plugged in my pump and let it do the work (forehead smack). I'd bolus for very big meals, but some days I wouldn't bolus at all. Sometimes I'd check my blood sugar once a day, and sometimes once a week; I'd skip endo appointments. I know we're all "bad diabetics" from time to time, but I was a HORRIBLE diabetic for years. To be completely honest (these are my confessions, after all), I have no clue what my last a1c was, or when (but I will be sure to find out on next endo appointment).

But one day, October 20, 2012 to be exact, I woke up feeling "positively diabetes." I started checking my blood sugar multiple times that same day. I carb counted throughout the whole day. And it became that easy to be "positively diabetes." And I kept myself going, taking baby steps to get where I want to be (definitely not there, yet). I started exercising here and there and cut down tons on fast food, I even started eating broccoli! Then, I saw a Facebook post by Diabetes Social Medial Advocates about a Twitter chat on World Diabetes Day. One topic per hour, for twelve hours! I figured it wouldn't hurt to check it out.

Thus, I discovered the wonderful world of the Diabetes Online Community. I couldn't believe it! These people were like me. They felt the way I did! They "GOT" it! I was in awe. And just like that my Twitter followers began to grow, and I started following people who really had something in common with me! And I made friends. Yes, I consider you, DOC, my friends. At my darkest hours I can, and do, reach out to my Non-Diabetic friends and family members, but you guys have felt like I do, or are going through the same thing, and it helps so much! Would I have reverted back to neglecting my diabetes if I hadn't found the DOC? I can't say. What I can say is that without the DOC, the battles I fight daily would be much harder to fight.

I want to be forever "positively diabetes."

'Betes Rollercoaster Hangover

After a weekend of the 'betes rollercoaster (tons of lows, then extreme highs), I woke up today at exactly 8:26am and wanted only to curl up into a ball and go back to sleep. But then I remembered how great I felt last week after waking up early, having breakfast, working out, getting my tutoring materials ready for the day, then going to teach my munchkins. Yes I was tired at night, but my days were much more fuIfilling. (Yay for New Year's Resolutions!)
I had tons of energy and felt optimistic for the first time in a long time (more on my d-history, bouts of denial and negligence later).
   
So I got out of bed, made coffee and had some cookies (still working on healthier diet, but I'm getting there little by little). I checked Twitter, my diabetes support haven, talked to a few people, and reluctantly turned on my iPod, got on the bike and started pedaling. And I'm happy I did. My morning felt better after 30 minutes on that monster of a bike, I felt a bit more energetic and well, my diabetes thanked me... (At least I think it did. Ha!)

Diabetes doesn't take a break. My pancreas will not jumpstart itself on days I feel down. So I must get up. I must exercise. I must do everything in my power to tame the 'betes beast that threatens to overpower me if I give it the chance.