Bitching About the D

Well, hello there! It's been a long while since I've blogged... yes I'm sorry, I'm a bad, bad blogger! But hey, my blog got 549 views anyway!! Woohoo!

Truth be told, I was feeling extremely overwhelmed with diabetes! I had been working so hard to bring down my blood sugar levels, to be a "good" person with diabetes, but, as all people with diabetes know, there is no such thing...

Towards the middle/end of February everything was shot to hell and I started struggling with my blood sugar. I haven't had many lows, though I'm not sure if it's due to the constant highs, or if it's due to Dexie, my DexCom Platinum G4, but I've been having tons of highs. I didn't want to start a "bitching about diabetes" blogging spree. This blog is called "Positively Diabetes" after all, but the past month and a half has been taking its toll on my positive attitude. Sometimes I wonder if getting Dexie was a good idea.

Before I got Dexie, I tested my blood sugar when I woke up, before and after exercising, before meals, 2.5-3 hrs after meals, before bed, when I felt low, high or like my bg was dropping. I was actually doing well! I brought  my hbA1C down from >10 to 7.7 in 3 months. I was on a roll. My endocrinologist recommended getting a continuous glucose monitor, and I wanted one anyway. Thus, I got Dexie; but at what emotional cost???

I freak when I see my bg above 180 for longer than 1 hour, though I try not to, and I think those freak outs have been bringing my bg even higher. Dexie is a blessing in helping me avoid lows, but it seems like a curse to look at after I eat, when I'm stressed out, or when diabetes wants to simply be a diabitch. Just as I was writing the last sentence Dexie beeped to let me know my bg is rising. I woke up low, treated, had breakfast, exercised, ate a snack, bolused, but still my blood sugar rises.

Did I say I didn't want this to be a "bitch about diabetes" blog? Screw it, I'm getting so frustrated. When will this end? In two weeks I go for my blood work for my A1C, and I wonder what the hell is going to happen when I go to my endocrinologist in May.

I had no idea this blog post would become a "bitch about diabetes" post, but I'm glad it did. I needed to vent, even though I didn't know it at the time I started writing. I know we've all been there, and I know none of us like it. I talk to PWD (people/person with diabetes) every day, it's what keeps me sane in this annoyingly crazy world of living with a chronic illness. I'm no hypochondriac, nor do I consider myself "sick." I live life as any type zero (a person who does not have diabetes), the only difference is my days are always focused around freaking numbers... and boy do I hate math! But I'm a person living with diabetes, and I guess if I didn't have diabetes I wouldn't be who I am today. 

Woosah! I think I feel better now!

Hypo Anxiety

I've been feeling a little anxious for the past week, since my family is leaving for Brazil in 2 days and I'll be alone for a couple of weeks. This type of fear of going hypo unaware and my blood sugar dropping to unconscious levels is the reason I've never considered moving out.
This has happened before. When I was 12, I went to school and ended up not eating lunch. I don't remember the reason I didn't eat lunch, but not eating lunch, plus taking the unreliable long lasting insulin NPH dropped my blood sugar. I know I didn't feel my blood sugar dropping. I remember everything looking hazy and strange, but I didn't think much of it. I usually walked home from school, but that day my mom came home from work early and picked me up. When I got home, I said hi to my neighbor and went inside the house. My dad was home because he had broken his ankle, so I remember saying hi to him and my younger sister. After that, my only memory is of waking up in the hospital and asking my mom where I was and what had happened. My blood sugar  had dropped to 27. She said I was acting as if I were high off drugs. She said she asked me for my glucometer (my blood sugar meter) many times and that I ran around the house, gave her crazy things, like a can of coke, and laughed hysterically at nothing.
From the time I was 17 my family has gone on vacation and I've been home alone more times than I can count, but the problem now is that I've been getting many hypos due to better care of my diabetes (I think that hypo event is one of the reasons I started neglecting my diabetes) and still working to re-adjust my basal rates. I called Dexcom yesterday for a CGM (continuous glucose monitor), thanks to my friend @RichTheDiabetic, who told me I don't need to wait for my endo visit on Jan 25 to contact them. Due to this lack of knowledge, I waited too long to call Dexcom. Had I know this beforehand, I would have called them on the 15th, when my insurance went into effect.
I have people I can stay with, though. My sister lives 25 minutes away (and she cooks very well, while I don't cook at all). The thing is that all my students live within 5-15 minutes from my house, so I would be doing a great deal of traveling if I were to stay with them.
So, for the meantime, I will consider my options carefully. I have an endo appointment on Friday, right before my parents leave, and will discuss this with him.
As for today, I am super excited to attend my very first JDRF meeting for adults and meeting some of my diabetic Twitter friends in person!